Bray Wyatt and the Wyatt Family
The much promoted debut of the WWE's latest collection of grapplin hillbillies finally hit the TV talkie box July 8, when The Wyatt Family came to RAW and put a crazed-country whoopin on Kane.
(Kane is no longer in the Money in the Bank match for the WWE Title as a result of the beating)
Family patriarch Bray Wyatt, and his followers Erick Rowan and Luke Harper, are psycho-swampbillies straight out of some Florida nightmare. Bray is part Jim Jones, part ECW's Raven. This hillbilly's got depth. He works on your mind while the family works over your body.
So far, I love everything about these guys. The cryptic, almost cult-like talk from Bray is a welcome addition to a growingly complex WWE talent lineup. I don't know what his words mean, but I like them. And that's all that matters.
Crazed hillbilly talk is a lost art. What with the internets, book learnins, computerized toilets and such, it's a wonder we ain't all brain geniuses. I don't really know what any of that means but it has a great collection of words: "crazed hillbilly talk," computerized toilets.
Grapplin hillbillies have always been among my favorites in the ring. Taking a quick glimpse through wrestling hillbilly history, it's easy to see why there has almost always been a clan of hillfolk punching city dudes in the head. These guys are always country strong, country stupid, somewhat quick to anger and, like any good wrestler, prone to violence.
In Ring of Honor, the Briscoe Brothers, Mark and Jay, are certainly country, but aren't really hillbillies. More like New Age Rednecks. They are gun lovin, freedom fightin, chicken raisin sons of Delaware and a couple of the most entertaining guys not signed by a major wrestling company. While they will have to tone down the offensive language and gun violence if they do get signed, I don't think taming #DemBoys will hurt their effectiveness in the ring or on the mic one bit.
Mark and Jay Briscoe #DemBoys
I'm sure there were many before these guys, but none looked the part better than The Kentuckians - Grizzly Smith and Luke Brown.
Rawboned hillfolk The Kentuckians
These guys tore it up in the territories and set the standards for ugly galoot pretty high. Smith went on to work behind the scenes for a lot of major promotions and was the father of Jake "the Snake" Roberts, who, while not a hillbilly, was sleazy and trashy.
The Kentuckians were cut from the same sackcloth as The Scufflin' Hillbilles (two different teams made up by Rip Collins, Chuck Conely, Cousin Willie and Cousin Slim). And brother they looked the part:
Cornsqueezins and rifles!
Some of the most beloved and bizarre hillbillies popped up in the 80s. The always smiling Hillbilly Jim and his family country stomped their way into America's hearts with their good friend Hulk Hogan. These guys were polar opposites of the Wyatt boys - simple talk, warm smiles and a great sing-a-long ring entrance:
But for me, the two greatest hillbilly teams from the 80s were the Moondogs (Spot, Rex, um ... Steve?) and the mad men from New Zealand, The Sheepherders. The Moondogs were some of the most violent, ugly, crazed monsters to ever club a dude with a hambone. They weren't physical marvels in the bodybuilder sense. But what was amazing was how hard these dudes could fight on only 23,000 calories a day:
The Moondogs were at their violent best when they were splitting skulls in Memphis. Crazy brawls and buckets of blood were the Moondog's calling card.
The Sheepherders (Luke Williams and Butch Miller) set the violence bar to a new height for me in the mid 80s. I never saw such carnage live and in person until I saw them spill buckets of Fantastics blood in the UWF. Barbed wire, cages, combat boots and only 7 teeth between the two - just awesome.
The WWF turned them from hill-brothers-from-another-mother-country to lovable goofballs The Bushwhackers. I didn't like it at first. But just look at those mugs! Who couldn't love that?
There was a serious hillbilly drought in the early 90s. What with their sophisticated haircuts and HAM radios, the new breed of fan and promoter forgot the subtle charms of hillfolk. The Blu Brothers stopped and started pretty quick in 1995. I don't think WWF fans were ready for twin hillbillies. Then the Godwinns invaded the WWF/E and the Hillbilly Torch was passed:
Phineas I. Godwinn and Henry O Godwinn
These hog farmers from Arkansas would carry slop buckets to the ring and Henry (Mark Canterbury) would uncorked dudes from their heads with fantastic clotheslines. They started their WWF career with some hillbilly-cred as Hillbilly Jim managed them early on. They eventually lost the buckets, and at one point classed themselves up a bit with sports coats as Jeff Jarrett's bodyguards Southern Justice. Until this past Monday night they were the last hillbillies to grace a WWE ring.
There were plenty more billies to stomp in the squared circle. Guys like Haystacks Calhoun, Crusher Jerry Blackwell, Trucker Norm "from the highways and byways of America" and Plowboy Frazier. I'm sure I'm missing many more, but my hillbilly juices done run out.
Thanks for reading!
Plowboy Frazier
Trucker Norm
